Tuesday, June 19, 2007
You know, I'm having that queasy feeling after you take off and land on a plane. Like my insides are all quashed up and jumbled around. But I've always imagined myself being dissolved into light particles and put back together after a plane ride. The ride this time wasn't that long, though I puked an undigested inflight ice-cream right after.
It's funny how technology has made distance seem so insignificant. Just a few hours ago I was having tea in Tokyo, and suddenly I'm back in my own home again. Everything feels the same, but yet different. The curtains seem to be put the same way as before I left, but something about it feels more bare now. Japan seems like a dream I've just woken up from; but no, everything now seems like a dream, even my home - it's so familiar and so strange. You could say that technology puts the world in your palm, but I think technology only makes the world seem even more unreal.
It's weird how I can know the movie showtimes and train timings in Tokyo through the Internet, but the train is too far for me to step out of my house to take it. It's so weird that only yesterday, I could ring Gerald up for lunch, but now he's a thousand miles away. Isn't it strange? I look at the things I've unpacked and I think that both me and my things have gone through that teleporter thing in Star Trek. We've been reorganized into ourselves again, but some cells feel out of place.
I miss Gerald already, and I miss Japan. It's always been my favoritest country in the world and I can't wait to go back there again. Somehow, the things and the people I like always end up ending up in Japan.
Maybe technology has made the world into a small town where everyone lives together. You step out of your house and end up at the other end of the yawning gulf. There's just this irrational fear inside out of me - when my insides go up and my intelligence goes down - that we'll fall through this gulf someday; I'll wake up tomorrow and still be in Tokyo, and I'll see my curtains looking strangely at me in the same old hotel room.
Sunday, May 07, 2006
At the end of the latest episode of Boston Legal I saw (which is quite far back, actually), cancer-addled Michael J Fox had successfully won a case he decided to second-chair on a whim, and was describing to Julie Bowen in bed why that triumph meant so much to him. After he falls asleep, Julie Bowen goes online on her laptop and surfs the net on the incurable disease over Warren Zevon's Keep Me in Your Heart. That moment was so incredibly sad, it wrenched me into two. I don't know if it was Michael J Fox's real life Parkison's disease, which made acting in that episode itself a feat such that the triumphant look on his face after the end of the court case might very well be absolutely real, or it was Julie Bowen, as a small, silent tear falls down her cheek as she sits in front of the computer glow. Or it might very well be Warren Zevon. The saddest part about it is that I've forgotten all about him, and perhaps so have many people, after his death. I did exactly as the song said, I kept him in my heart for awhile, then moved on to other things; and...
~Keep Me in Your Heart~
Shadows are falling and I'm running out of breath Keep me in your heart for awhile
If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less Keep me in your heart for awhile
When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun Keep me in your heart for awhile
There's a train leaving nightly called when all is said and done Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sometimes when you're doing simple things around the house Maybe you'll think of me and smile
You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse Keep me in your heart for awhile
Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams Touch me as I fall into view When the winter comes keep the fires lit And I will be right next to you
Engine driver's headed north to Pleasant Stream Keep me in your heart for awhile
These wheels keep turning but they're running out of steam Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo Keep me in your heart for awhile
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-li-li-lo Keep me in your heart for awhile
Monday, November 21, 2005
Today I woke up feeling different. There was a feeling of change in the air, I could feel it but I don't know what it is. It's like when you wake up in the morning, remembering that you're in love, or that there's been a big change in your life. But nothing particular happened yesterday. If I were living overseas I'd say it's the change of the seasons, that you could feel the coming of spring or winter today, but it's just sad Singapore. I left the house in the cool wind, feeling a strange spray-like mist on my skin. Maybe the direction of my life just changed its course without me knowing anything about it, like the secret gears in an obscure tower setting into motion another part of my life.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Last night I dreamt of a place where 'death didn't exist', the people we shot dead or impaled just return after awhile with no notion that they were dead at all, and they would terrorize us again. And it's all about sibling rivalry. It was two sisters and two brothers and when they came back, either one sister will absolutely hate the other, or one brother would absolutely hate the other, and I'm caught in between, having to dodge all the bullets and swords. So I always end up helping the stronger and killing off the weaker (or killing both, actually) so that I can survive. I eventually grew so tired of killing and killing them all over again that I decided to wake up and not go back to sleep. It's' 9AM. Argh. I don't even know if I make sense now, my brain's too sleepy to even think of grammar.
I think the reason why I want to blog this, is cos when I was thinking it over while brushing my teeth I found it interesting. To go to a place where death is just a concept and not an absolute. People die and after half an hour or so they come back as if nothing has happened, with no wounds on their bodies at all. But they end up making the same choices again anyways.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
If anyone has eight or nine bucks to spare, and is looking for some entertainment in this boring place, please go see Saving Face. Such a lovely movie, extremely well-written and acted, complex and accessible at the same time. Joan Chen already had my heart with Jocelyn Packard, but this 'ere new Michelle Krusiec stole it from her and ran away with it.
With points of dust between my hand, I journey through the empty earth. The wind carries sand from lands afar, And if I stretch out my arms I can fly too. And if I die, O! Bury me in the shadow of a mountain.
Between the promised land and the forbidden land, I shed a tear that is soon forgotten. Fire and ashes swell and fill the air And remnant ghosts of times past. And if I die, O! Bury me in the shadow of a mountain.
As the sun crouches behind a dune, My shadow will extend far beyond me. I once dreamed of great things too, And to lead my people out of this barren land. But if I die, O! Bury me in the shadow of a mountain.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Been listening to this song over and over again these few days.
~Across the Universe~
Words are flying out like endless rain into a paper cup They slither while they pass They slip away across the universe Pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting thorough my open mind Possessing and caressing me
Jai guru deva om Nothing's gonna change my world Nothing's gonna change my world Nothing's gonna change my world Nothing's gonna change my world
Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes That call me on and on across the universe Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box they tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe
Jai guru deva om Nothing's gonna change my world Nothing's gonna change my world Nothing's gonna change my world Nothing's gonna change my world
Sounds of laughter shades of life are ringing through my open ears exciting and inviting me Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns It calls me on and on across the universe
Jai guru deva om Nothing's gonna change my world Nothing's gonna change my world Nothing's gonna change my world Nothing's gonna change my world Jai guru deva Jai guru deva
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Get me Drunk. Now. I want to blast The Pixies at my workplace and dance around, wearing an orange golliwog wig and leaking brown liquid from my ass. Yup yup yup yup.
'I was talking to preachy preach about kissy kiss He bought me a soda, he bought me a soda, he bought me a soda And he tried to molest me in the parking lot Yup yup yup yup'
'Got me a movie Ha ha ha hoa! Slicing up eyeballs Ha ha ha hoa! Girlie so groovie Ha ha ha hoa! Don't know about you But I am un chien Andalusia!!'
Kinda feeling like Mr. Toru Okada aka Mr. Wind-up Bird now. If there's no current driving me up or down, I should just play dead. Play Dead!
Monday, October 17, 2005
The waking up when asleep thing just happened again in office, and this time it lasted rather long. I woke up while 'still asleep', but this time I was fully awake and not dreaming anymore. I just couldn't open my eyes and move my limbs at all. I swear I could hear someone walk into the room and sit down at the computer opposite me, and was softly calling my name but I couldn't do anything about it. I was shaking my head vigorously (and I could really feel my head turning around and flopping down again) and even making noises from my throat to get the person opposite to wake me up but he didn't. Then when I finally jolted awake, I discovered there was nobody opposite me at all cos all my colleagues had gone out for lunch. That freaked me out a little bit.
I just finished seeing the sweeping Princess Mononoke, and I'm awe-struck.
So I popped in the soundtrack of Howl's Moving Castle to re-capture some of the Joe Hisaishi of just now, and came across the ending song again. I love this song so much.
~Sekai no Yakusoku~
The flickering smile in the deep of a tear is The promise of the world from the beginning of time
And though I might be alone now, Today will be borne new and fresh, From the yesterday that we were together And it would be just like meeting each other anew
Though you weren't in my memories, Let it always be a gentle wind, touching your cheek softly
Even as we bid farewell under spilled sunshine The promise of the world till the end of time
And though I might be alone now, Tomorrow will know no bounds Because you have taught me The warmth of snuggling into the night
Though you weren't in my memories, The promise lives on forever In the song of a stream, The blue of the sky, And the fragrance of flowers
